What is Peer Support/Mutual Support?

“Grief is a solitary journey. No one but you knows how great the hurt is. No one but you can know the gaping hole left in your life when someone you know has died. And no one but you can mourn the silence that was once filled with laughter and song. It is the nature of love and of death to touch every person in a totally unique way. Comfort comes from knowing that people have made the same journey. And solace comes from understanding how others have learned to sing again.”
-Helen Steiner Rice

BFO-Toronto is a bereavement support organization that provides programs and services based on the mutual support model.  What does that mean?

Peer support refers to help and assistance that is given to you by someone like you.  A contemporary – someone who shares a similar set of experiences, in this case, it means someone who is also bereaved. Our volunteers are not professionally trained counselors or therapists, they are people like you who have experienced a death in their family and are on a similar journey of “learning to live with” their grief. They have become “experts” at their own grief and they can provide you with information, experiential knowledge and support that is gained through their lived experience of being similarly bereaved.

Mutual support (or self-help) is a process of sharing common experiences, situations or problems. Self-help is participatory in nature and involves getting help, giving help and learning to help yourself as well as sharing knowledge and experience. The primary focus of self-help is emotional support, practical support and informational exchange.

Volunteers are here to:

• Share their story of loss and grief and the wisdom they have learned from their experiences
• Listen to you in a compassionate, non-judgmental way that helps you to explore and express your own experience
• Provide a “mirror of hope” – as someone who has lived through and is living with a similarly painful loss, and is a little bit further down the road on the grief journey

Volunteers are not here to:

• Provide counseling or therapy
• Tell you what to do
• Try and “fix” your grief or take away your pain

Participating in a mutual support group may:

• provide a safe space for you to explore your grief in whatever way makes sense for you
• reduce your sense of isolation by providing an opportunity to connect with other bereaved people
• normalize your experience of grief by giving you a chance to hear from and share with others who are going through something similar
• give you information, skills, knowledge & coping strategies to assist you in learning how to live with your grief

Am I Ready to Join a Group?

The benefit of a mutual support group comes from the participation of all members of the group.  While this doesn’t mean that you always have to speak (silent support and encouragement is an important part of the group experience), there are some things you may want to think about before joining a mutual support group:

• Am I ready to share my story with others?
• Am I ready to hear the stories of other bereaved people?
• Will my schedule allow me to regularly attend the group?
• Is this the right time for me to benefit from a mutual support group?*

If you are not sure about joining a group, that’s okay.  You can think about it, call the office to speak with someone or come in and meet with a volunteer for a one-to-one meeting.

When Can I Join a Group?
BFO-Toronto generally begins a new series of support groups each season and dates for upcoming groups can be found on our website at www.bfotoronto.ca or by calling the office.

What if I Know Group Support is Not for Me Right Now?

If you know that you don’t want to join a mutual support group at this time, it can still be beneficial to come in and meet with a volunteer. While we do not offer ongoing counseling, meeting once with a volunteer who is similarly bereaved may give you some useful information and a measure of comfort at such a difficult time.

You can also use our lending library, pick up articles and information or log on to many grief-related websites – including ours – where you will find an online community of bereaved people and stories, articles and message boards full of hope and healing. If you think that professional counseling would be helpful, we have a referral list on our website – or if you do not have access to the Internet, call our office and we will mail you a copy.

Whatever you decide, know that you are not alone. There is support and information available to you and you have taken a courageous step by reaching out.

During this time, we encourage you to call the office and complete an intake over the phone so that you can be matched with a trained volunteer who has experienced a similar loss.  This 1-1 session will also help you determine your readiness for group

* A word on timing.  When you come in we will discuss the timing of joining a mutual support group. Just like we believe that everyone grieves uniquely and there is no right or wrong way to grieve, we believe that people access support when they are ready.  For some, this means shortly after the death, for others, this may mean several months or even years following the loss. While there is some research that suggests people do not benefit as much from participation in a bereavement support group within the first 3 or 6 months following a significant death – we believe that if you feel you are ready and able to participate, you should not be automatically denied an opportunity to do so, based solely on the length of time since your loss.