• Notice when your own discomfort or fear shows up
• Avoid saying “I understand” or “I know how you feel” Instead try, “I can only imagine how this feels…”

• Avoid cliches “They are in a better place” Instead, reflect back what they are telling you (I hear how much you miss them and wish they were here).

• Don’t try and look for the positive…avoid any sentence that begins “at least”
• No advice-giving – don’t tell someone what to do or don’t do. Instead offer “This is something that I or others found helpful, I wonder if you might want to explore that”

Please be gentle with yourself if you say/do the wrong thing!

It’s understandable that supporting someone in grief may at times feel difficult and uncomfortable. 

• Notice when your discomfort or fear about saying the wrong thing stop you from offering support
• Please don’t say  “I understand” “I know how you feel”, Instead try, “I can only imagine how this feels…”
• Avoid cliches like “They are in a better place”…Instead reflect back what they are telling you (I hear how much you miss them and wish they were here).
• Don’t try and silverline it or find something positive about the death “at least you can start going out now!” …avoid any sentence that begins “at least”
• No advice giving – don’t tell someone what to do or don’t do. Instead offer “this is something that I or others found helpful, I wonder if you might want to explore that”
• Please don’t be hard on yourself if you say the wrong thing!  We are human and are all trying our best