Lesson 3: Non-death related losses

Loss of roles may arise from a death loss of a partner/spouse and may also be due to infirmity and the inability to continue in roles that may have been nourishing and meaningful before. Loss of roles is often accompanied by loss of a sense of self-worth, and loss of opportunity for reciprocity with others, and the potential for respect that giving to or contributing to something may provide.

Loss of independence, place, dignity

Loss of Independence

Many older people manage to maintain independence and may call on support only as much as anyone else might during difficult times. However, being significantly dependent on other people to meet daily needs is often experienced as a challenge to ones’ sense of self as valuable and of having worth. And that the loss of independence creates a feeling of being diminished and incompetent.

Loss of mobility and independence if your partner was the one who did the driving or your health declines and makes you less mobile.

Your living situation may change – moving to new accommodation, loss of family home, moving closer to kids, farther from kids, lack of control over where you go, long term care.

Loss of Place

The loss of one’s home and the memories, resources, relationships, and identity that are rooted there is of huge significance to anyone, but this choice is often made under duress and out of necessity. Loss of place also depletes older people’s social capital—the network of people and resources that have been a part of one’s daily life, often for a very long period of time.

Loss of Dignity

Dignity is defined as “the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect.“ Implicit in the discussion of aging is the devaluing of older individuals, along with stereotyping and objectification. Can be associated with loss of privacy due to needs for care, but can also accompany loss of choice over disclosure of personal details about one’s life, habits, and history.

Loss of Personhood

Linked to loss of dignity, which includes a sense of being a unique and valued individual who is worthy of a share in social resources and the respect of others.

Many older individuals describe feeling diminished as individuals, and not being seen as useful or valued as full participants in society. The sense of loss of reciprocity is a key element; feeling that they are unable to give back or that what they offer is not valued.

Invisibility

Youth-oriented society—great value is placed upon young people; consider when a younger person dies versus when an older person does.
Obsession with image—and the image to strive for is one of youth. Even older role models’ physiques are more similar to women decades younger.
The grief many people experience today results directly from the increase in longevity, coupled with increased needs for care as we get older.
Often, the end of life is now protracted, wrenching, lengthy, often emotionally, physically, and financially exhausting ordeal.
It is common to lose loved ones, piece by piece over time rather than death being a singular event.
Losses are more chronic and ongoing in nature. The nature of how we live and the care needs that we have follow this trajectory.