Subsequent/Sudden
Temporary
Upsurges of
Grief
~ Therese Rando 1988
http://www.opentohope.com/on-stugs-subsequent-temporary-upsurges-of-grief
A “STUG” is a helpful term to know when talking about grief. It stands for “Sudden Temporary Upsurge of Grief,” coined by renowned grief researcher Therese Rando. It refers to a sudden, intense wave of grief that can hit someone unexpectedly and out of the blue even when they might be feeling okay,
STUGS are often triggered by a memory: seeing a familiar place, hearing a certain song, or smelling a specific scent can trigger a STUG.
These are sensory cues related to their lost loved one; it’s considered a normal part of the grieving process, even though it can be very upsetting. For example:
9 months after mom’s death I’m going along, thinking I’m doing pretty well and I walk into a store and BAM! – there is the display of Mother’s Day cards and the missing I feel in that moment is as intense as the day she died.
5 years after my dad died I’m grocery shopping in December and I’m walking down the aisle and I get a whiff of his cologne, just as I notice his favourite chocolates that I always put in his Christmas stocking. As a beloved carol starts playing over the sound system, I feel undone.
It can feel in those moments – which are perfectly normal – that you’re “right back at the beginning” of that grief journey and the despair/fear can be huge…
What’s helpful is to NORMALIZE these moments – and language helps. Teaching someone about STUGS may just be the lifeline they need when that next wave of grief hits.